Ne zna ni usisavač voziti,a kamo li auto. XD
:)
Egzistencijalna
pitanja
Zašto ljudi uz dupli
cheeseburger i veliku porciju pomfrita
naruče
Light Coca-Colu?Meni je ona ljepsa od obicne
Zašto žene ne mogu staviti maskaru zatvorenih usta?Jer ne bi mogle stavit ruz preko cijele usne
Zašto je riječ "skraćenica" tako dugačka?Gramatika..
Zašto da bismo
ugasili Windowse moramo prvo kliknuti na "start"?
Zašto ne postoji hrana za mačke s okusom miša?Jer je potrebno puno miševa i brzo se pokvare
Zašto je igla koju upotrebljavaju za eutanaziju sterilna?Kako znate da je sterilna?
Sigurno ste već čuli za neuništive crne kutije u avionima...
Zašto ne proizvode čitav avion od takvog materijala?Jer je težak
Zašto uvijek jače pritišćemo tipke daljinskog kad su baterije skoro ispražnjene?Psiha...
Zašto piloti kamikaze nose kacige?Zbog komunikacije i da ne bi krepali bez zraka na putu do mete
Kako table s natpisom "Zabranjeno je
gaziti travu" dospiju na
sredinu travnjaka?
Što je to čovjek
pokušavao uraditi onog trenutka kad je otkrio da krava daje mlijeko?Musti?
Ako je riječ u rječniku nepravilno napisana, kako ćemo to primjetiti?Nikako
Zašto Noa nije zgnječio par komaraca?Nema podataka koji dokazuju da nije
Da li i radnici
u Liptonu (ice tea) imaju pauzu za "kavu"?DA
Zašto se "odvojeni" piše
jednom riječju, a "svi zajedno" s
dvije odvojene?Gramatika
Ako želim kupiti
novi bumerang, kako da se riješim starog?Zapali ga!Il ga ostavi!
Zašto prodavaonice otvorene 24
sata na dan imaju brave i lokote?Da bi bile zatvorene praznicima
Zašto žene ne mogu staviti maskaru zatvorenih usta?Jer ne bi mogle stavit ruz preko cijele usne
Kakve veze ima maskara sa stavljanjem ruža?
Pronašao mucavac krepanog konja na ulici i zove službu za uklanjanje leševa:
- Do-do-bar da-da-n.
- Dobar dan.
- Nnaššao ssam kkreppannog ko-ko-ko-nja u u-l-ici P-P-P-P-P.-nikako da izgovori ulicu.
- U kojoj ulici, gospodine?
- Ma, u P-P-Pr...
- Je li u Preradovićevoj?
- Ne, u P-P-P-P...
- Preradovićeva?
- Ma, ne-ne, nije u P-P-P...
Mucavac razočaran odustane. Za sat vremena ponovo zazvoni telefon u službi za uklanjanje leševa.
- Da, izvolite?
- Nnaššao ssam kkreppannog ko-ko-ko-nja u u-l-ici P-P-P-P-P.-opet nikako da izgovori ulicu.
- U kojoj ulici, gospodine, Preradovićevoj?
- Je, pi-pi-zda ti ma-ma-te-ri-ri-ri-a-na. PRI-PRI-MI-MI-STI-JA SAM GA!
Doktore, pomozite mi, drhte mi ruke.
-Pijete li mnogo?
-Ne, najvise mi se prolije!
Zašto Noa nije zgnječio par komaraca?Nema podataka koji dokazuju da nije
isto kao što ima dokaza da je postojao.
mislim, netko gore napravi predobrar odgovor u "anti-joke-chicken" stilu, ali ovo...
...mozemo mi sa tehnologijom otici unaprjied koliko hocemo ali neke stare stvari nikako da izbacimo...
Sony je u prodaju pustio punjač mobitela i gadgeta koji radi na okretanje ručice.
Old school.. imam LED lampu koja se tako puni, to ce biti jedan debeli promasaj.....
...mozemo mi sa tehnologijom otici unaprjied koliko hocemo ali neke stare stvari nikako da izbacimo...
Sony je u prodaju pustio punjač mobitela i gadgeta koji radi na okretanje ručice.
"Prodaja punjača Sony CL-A2LAS će započeti 20. lipnja u Japanu, a prodavat će se po cijeni od ¥8,000 (100 dolara ili 560 kn)."
...mozemo mi sa tehnologijom otici unaprjied koliko hocemo ali neke stare stvari nikako da izbacimo...
Sony je u prodaju pustio punjač mobitela i gadgeta koji radi na okretanje ručice.
prognozira bu uspjeh da se ne vrti ručica nego pumpa 
...mozemo mi sa tehnologijom otici unaprjied koliko hocemo ali neke stare stvari nikako da izbacimo...
Sony je u prodaju pustio punjač mobitela i gadgeta koji radi na okretanje ručice.
Napravio sam isto, samo home made.
Spojio generator iz ručne lampe na USB port i u njega uštekam kaj god. 
-Mama, zašto se moja rođica zove ruža?
-Jer njezina mama voli ruže!
-A šta ti mama onda voliš?
-Enise, ne dosađuj!
Parodija na iphone siri reklamu:
Presmiješno,iako na žalost istina.
http://www.gametrailers.com/user-movie/the-bates-4000/265867
http://www.ivonazivkovic.net/marihuana.htm
Dodem ujutro u trgovinu,uzmem hrpu stvari,dode prodavacica i kako joj je telefon bio na pultu pored bar kod citaca uzme tetrapak soka i prelazi slusalicom preko njega i cudi se kako nece ucitat.Ja sam se pokidao od smijeha,nisam mogao doci do zraka,a ona i dalje uporno pokusava.Kad me pitala jesam normalan onda sam joj tek rekao da pogleda sto drzi u ruci.Njenu reakciju mozete zamisliti
Presmiješno,iako na žalost istina.
http://www.gametrailers.com/user-movie/the-bates-4000/265867
Dodem ujutro u trgovinu,uzmem hrpu stvari,dode prodavacica i kako joj je telefon bio na pultu pored bar kod citaca uzme tetrapak soka i prelazi slusalicom preko njega i cudi se kako nece ucitat.Ja sam se pokidao od smijeha,nisam mogao doci do zraka,a ona i dalje uporno pokusava.Kad me pitala jesam normalan onda sam joj tek rekao da pogleda sto drzi u ruci.Njenu reakciju mozete zamisliti
Picture it or didn't happen
Presmiješno,iako na žalost istina.
http://www.gametrailers.com/user-movie/the-bates-4000/265867
Hvala mislio sam da će se samo meni svidjeti.
ŠTA SMO NAUČILI IZ AMERIČKIH FILMOVA:
-jedna šibica je dovoljna da osvjetli sobu
bilo koje veličine
-sa svakog prozora u Parizu se vidi Ajfelov
toranj
-kašalj je znak smrtonosne bolesti
-detektiv moze rješiti slucaj samo ako je
suspendiran sa dužnosti
-svaka brava se u sekundi može otvoriti
šnalom ili spajalicom, osim ako to nisu vrata
koja vode u zgradu u plamenu u kojoj je
zarobljeno djete
-nije potrebno reći 'dobar dan' ili 'doviđenja'
kad započinjete ili završavate telefonski
razgovor
-muškarac neće ni trepnuti dok prima
najokrutnije udarce ali će se tresti od bola
dok žena pokušava očistiti njegove rane
-pošteni i radni policajci po pravilu bivaju
upucani tri dana prije penzije
-ventilacijski sistem zgrade je odlično mjesto
za sakrivanje, nikome neće pasti na pamet
da vas tamo potraži
-ako odlučite plesati na sred ulice, svako na
koga naiđete znaće korake
-ako se susretnete sa zlim međunarodnim
teroristom sarkazam i duhovitost su vaše
najbolje oružje
-kad plaćate taksi, ne morate gledati u
novčanik dok vadite novčanicu, zgrabite
jednu nasumice i dajte, biće to točan iznos
-nije važno ako ste višestruko nadbrojni u
borbi koja uključuje borilačke vještine-vaši
neprijatelji će strpljivo čekati da vas napadnu
jedan po jedan....
http://www.ivonazivkovic.net/marihuana.htm
ŠTA SMO NAUČILI IZ AMERIČKIH FILMOVA:
-jedna šibica je dovoljna da osvjetli sobu
bilo koje veličine
-sa svakog prozora u Parizu se vidi Ajfelov
toranj
-kašalj je znak smrtonosne bolesti
-detektiv moze rješiti slucaj samo ako je
suspendiran sa dužnosti
-svaka brava se u sekundi može otvoriti
šnalom ili spajalicom, osim ako to nisu vrata
koja vode u zgradu u plamenu u kojoj je
zarobljeno djete
-nije potrebno reći 'dobar dan' ili 'doviđenja'
kad započinjete ili završavate telefonski
razgovor
-muškarac neće ni trepnuti dok prima
najokrutnije udarce ali će se tresti od bola
dok žena pokušava očistiti njegove rane
-pošteni i radni policajci po pravilu bivaju
upucani tri dana prije penzije
-ventilacijski sistem zgrade je odlično mjesto
za sakrivanje, nikome neće pasti na pamet
da vas tamo potraži
-ako odlučite plesati na sred ulice, svako na
koga naiđete znaće korake
-ako se susretnete sa zlim međunarodnim
teroristom sarkazam i duhovitost su vaše
najbolje oružje
-kad plaćate taksi, ne morate gledati u
novčanik dok vadite novčanicu, zgrabite
jednu nasumice i dajte, biće to točan iznos
-nije važno ako ste višestruko nadbrojni u
borbi koja uključuje borilačke vještine-vaši
neprijatelji će strpljivo čekati da vas napadnu
jedan po jedan....
Hahaha ono sa detektivom i teroristom je genijalno.
ŠTA SMO NAUČILI IZ AMERIČKIH FILMOVA:
...
Evo još par:
I ovo:
"nije važno ako ste višestruko nadbrojni u
borbi koja uključuje borilačke vještine-vaši
neprijatelji će strpljivo čekati da vas napadnu
jedan po jedan...."
Assassin's Creed anyone?
Dad's ten rules of dating
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Dad's ten rules of dating
Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Kaj i ti imaš kćer nemoj se ljutiti al pogledao sam ti godište.
Bosanac, Hercegovac i Crnogorac došli na kolodvor malo ranije, pa skoknuli "na po jednu".
Međutim, malo se zarakijali, pa zakasnili na vlak. Kad su istrčali na peron vlak već krenuo. Njih trojica potrče za vlakom, i - kao u svakom vicu Crnogorac prvi odustane. Hercegovac trči još malo, pa i on stane. Ali Bosanac se zainatio, trči sve jače i jače, pruži ruku, dohvati neku štangu, stisne, đipne, prekobaci se i uleti u vlak k'o Indijana Đons.
Ova dvojica zadihani i u čudu gledaju prizor, pa Crnogorac reče:
- Viđe životinje, a samo je doš'o da nas isprati!
Bara pita: "Štef, kaj misliš o krizi na Kosovu?"
Štef: "Hebe mi se!"
Bara: "I meni, al nisem znala kak bi te pitala."
Pogledajte umirem od smjeha
