Humor

Evo jedna  o Čačiću:

Sude mi,

zato što škodu vozim

vozim najbrže,

Što sam gazio,

svoje susjede. 

Top Gear

Kako se zove jutarnji sex??

Praskozorje.

-Čovjek na samrti kaže doktoru: Recite da sam umro od SIDE !!!

  -Zašto??

  -Tako mi nitko neće j**ati ženu, a oni koji su je već j**ali nek crknu od straha

____

-Oprostite direktore,ali mi nismo primili platu 3 mjeseca !
-Ma oprošteno vam je

Možemo se grijati samo na jednu oveću cjepanicu tokom cjele zime.

Kako?

Nabaviti jednu oveću cjepanicu, oko metar dužine. Postaviti je nasred sobe i onda je preskakati sa jedne na drugu stranu.

Poslije nekoliko minuta osjetiti će se vrlo ugodna vrućina.

Korisno je zbog više stvari: kondicijska pripremljenost, dobra linija i oslobađanje nagomilanog stresa.

Ako se cjepanica postavi na sam centar sobe, možemo smatrati da imamo

..... CENTRALNO GRIJANJE

Mali Ivo iz Splita grada 
Nakrao se masu para 
Jednu noć u kasni sat Hypo banku iša zvat 
Al je USKOK izvadija PAM PAM PAM PAM 
Mali Ivo sad živi u Remetincu..

Ma znam,nisam ja radio sliku. Ima i voda hladnu-vrucu o.O ?

Vozi se cigo u auto-skoli. Pita ga instruktor voznje:-"Kakav je ovo znak?"

Cigo odgovara:-"Aluminijski, gazda."

Čovjek stoji u redu u supermarketu kad spazi zanosnu plavušu iza njega kako mu maše i smije se.

Iznenadio se da mu maše takva ljepotica, i iako mu se odnekud činila poznatom, nije imao pojma odakle, pa je upita:

- Oprostite, mi se znamo?

Ona mu odgovori:

- Možda se varam, ali mislim da ste vi otac jednog mojeg djeteta!

Film mu se odvrti unatrag na zgodu kad je jedan jedini put bio nevjeran:

Rekao je:

- Bože, jeste vi striptizeta s moje momačke večeri, koju sam pred svim kompićima ševio na biljarskom stolu, dok me vaša frendica mlatila po guzi mokrim celerom i gurala mi krastavac u čmar??!!!?

- Ne - odgovori ona.

- Ja vašem sinu predajem engleski.

nije humoristično, ali sam pobro block kad sam joj napiso fotošop

Da vratim u listu tema u kojim sudjelujem.

Nego

Malo ih zezam sa matematikom.

Malo sa FML.com

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

Pogledajte cijeli video (2min), vrijedi svake sekunde

my sex life is like Ferrari. I dont have Ferrari